Where to go from here

  This is my last week at my internship. Many people have already asked, and I'm sure many more will, "what are you going to do now?" My answer: I have no clue. There is so much pressure in our society to be successful, and success looks different for everyone. I've never been set on one specific careerpath. Only recently have I endeavored to set up a 5-year plan, which I'm sure some of you must be surprised since it's in my nature to plan years ahead. Honestly, I've always known that my future was open, and I have no control over what will happen. So, rather than planning it out, I left it up to God to lead me in the way I should go. Right now, I feel strongly that I am to be still and seek after Him.

  Maybe I'm crazy to be waiting on divine intervention to show me where to start, but I've been relying on my own strength to get me through life since my childhood. I sought God when I needed emotional support, but I never really needed Him to get by in anything else. Instead, I worked really hard to accomplish my own idea of success.

  I'm reading Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream by David Platt. It's a really good book, and I'd recommend it for anyone. Before I started reading it I had come to a realization that my perfectionism still has a hold on my life. This drives me to work really hard to be the best. That has always been my goal--in essence, to exult myself above everyone else, not just in one field, but in everything I do with no one's help. Does that not sound sickening--especially for one who calls herself a child of God? I feel convicted.

  In this book, Platt pretty much uncovers the western church's complete investment into the idea of the "American Dream," and how it goes directly against Christ's teachings. In one of the chapters, he points out that we keep on searching for God's will in our lives when He lays it out quite simply for us in His Word: we are to bring Him glory and go make disciples of all the nations. We are too comfortable and self-absorbed to respond to His commands for us. We pawn it off on people who are "called" into ministry. Certainly we can witness in our own backyard, but for so many of us, that "witness" looks a lot like keeping silent and pursuing our own goals--maybe letting people know that we are Christians and waiting for them to come to us with questions. Why have we become so timid when our God is so powerful? 

  This book further convicted me (along with a friend's sermon on being too comfortable, aptly placed at this point in my life) and I am choosing this end (of my internship) as an opportunity to truly recklessly abandon my own will to God's, taking off my pride and seeking His kingdom. I am at the end of myself. It's scary. It's uncomfortable. But, it's where God works.