An idea is germinating in me. It's an idea I've long been grappling. Who am I--really?
Years of living behind a mask, a self-inflicted performance created to obtain acceptance and accolades, have stunted my growth into my own skin. I think this is a major epidemic in society as a whole, but mostly within Christian households.
A few years ago, I was a year into my college career and asking that same question, "Who am I?" At that moment, I came to the wrong conclusion that sounded so much like the right one. You see, I decided that I needed to accept myself, wholly, for who I believed I was created to be. I needed to embrace EVERY aspect of myself, which included my sinful desires--especially my sinful desires. I had come to the conclusion that I--at the core of who I am and who God created me to be--was undeniably and irrevocably promiscuous, and for God to really use me, I needed to release that (very hidden) side of me. (I was overcompensating for my perfectionist tendencies.)
Looking back now, I see how naive I was. I was so eager to reinvent myself that I ended up losing myself to a twisted logic. That decision cost me my virginity, but I do not mourn that so much as the wasted time, broken psyche, and deep depression that ensued.
I do not believe that I asked the wrong question, nor do I think that my conclusion was far off. The issue with my conclusion was one that comes to a lot of people when faced with a decision. Sometimes, we settle for answers that almost sound perfect. They just slightly miss the mark. These answers mimic truth so well that we choose to ignore the flashing warning signs that might indicate their deception.
Do not be mistaken, it is deception.
It's near-truths and almost-rights that send us so far off course. It's an ancient tactic used by Satan from the dawn of time.
"If you eat the fruit, you won't die (at least not right away)." He says to Eve.
We need to take the time to step back before diving into a decision or a conclusion to assess it fully. Look at the warning signs. Do not let impatience prompt you into a decision you are going to regret in the future.
I am still forming my answer to the question of "Who am I?" today. I believe that I was right in my conclusion that I needed to accept myself for who I am. I am not who I thought I was. I defined myself by an attribute that came as a result of humanity's downfall rather than how I specifically was created--in God's image.
The correct answer to "Who am I?" lies in the need to realize my strengths and weaknesses, cultivate my passions and talents, and stop trying to be something I'm not.
I can utilize my strengths and talents while pursuing my passions and allowing God's power to shine through my weaknesses.
So, who am I?
The answer isn't simple, and it's something I'm learning a little more of each day.
