After failing to get yet another job, I realized something this week. I'm mostly unmotivated to start my "career" because I don't want to do any of these jobs that I've been applying for. I can start my career whenever I want to because my career is writing. I just need to sit down and write! I never wanted a normal 9-5 job in an office somewhere. The only person I ever wanted to answer to (besides God and my future husband) was my agent. Sure, I wonder what it would be like to go down a different careerpath, but I chose this one for a reason. God knows whatever reason that might be; I'm still trying to figure it out. Rather than get myself down for not finding a job I don't want to do, I'm choosing now to take advantage of where I am because, honestly, this is where I wanted to be. It's time to thrive.
Hi-ho, hi-ho...
Friday, April 12, 2013
Monday, April 1, 2013
Perspective
I've had it pretty good my entire life. Yeah, I dealt with bullies, went through my fair share of drama in adolescence, and it may have taken me a while to embrace who I am, but honestly? My life looks like a cakewalk. I just started reading Cry Silent Tears by Joe Peters, and I read part of Gordon Ramsay's Humble Pie a little over a month ago. I've also heard countless stories of human trafficking victims, rape victims, and unloved children abandoned on the streets. Society is steadily becoming more aware of the atrocities that innocent children face, and activists are working hard to amend these evils inflicted on victims by the people who should be protecting and loving them. Some sympathetic people may see these evils and question why a loving God would allow them to go on. Explaining it away simply as a consequence of one's sin seems unfair. Why should the innocent suffer? I have no answer. I cannot explain it except for the root cause of sin. Humankind is--at its core--evil. There are sadistic, crazy people out there preying on the weak. But, there is hope. God came down to change our selfish natures in the form of Jesus. I could go on forever talking about the effect He has on people and what He did to change us, but I'll let it be. If you want to talk, message me.
All this to say that I am remarkably blessed to have had an uneventful life. I am not gloating in my fortune, but I understand that things could have been entirely different had I been born into another family, country, or belief system. Most of my mild misfortunes were self-inflicted--direct consequences of my own actions. Growing up, I sulked in my misery, throwing pity parties for being slighted by friends or verbally bashed by bullies. My mother rarely showed me any kind of sympathy--probably because she knew that I was far better off than some other kids my age. I was even bitter towards her for not being understanding. Now, I see that she was showing me a little bit of tough love. Life's not fair. People are mean. It's not always about me, so I really shouldn't take it personally. I had to learn that. The small troubles I faced as a kid shaped my character today. I now see the incidents in my life leading up to today as a blessing. I know that I'll face some more trials in the future. I might even face some "real" trials. (All trials, no matter how small, are still real trials although some may only consider the big ones "real.") I am equipped when they come with a hope from God. If He can get me through the little stuff, how much more will he take care of me when my life falls to shambles?
Just because life has the capacity to suck, doesn't mean it will. I'm going to keep on living and enjoying today because worrying about whether or not I'm going to ever be able to do what I love will only hinder me from actually doing it. I want to be a world changer. I need to mobilize in order to fulfill my dreams. Fear of failure or rejection is going to paralyze me no longer. I will not sulk in self-pity because my job is less than I had hoped, and I'm barely making ends meet and stuck living at home with my parents. I will not despair because I've been temporarily separated from the love of my life. No. I count it a blessing that my parents are willing to put me up and that I have a job. I will soon be reunited with him with a deeper love than I have ever experienced before. And through it all, God has been there, pursuing my heart and holding me close. I am truly blessed. You are, too. I don't know what you've been through or are going through now, but there is some good in there. You may have to search for it to see it, but it's there. If anything, there is a God who loves you and wants the best for you, whether or not you believe in Him. As Sonny says in the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, "Everything will be all right in the end... if it's not all right then it's not yet the end."
All this to say that I am remarkably blessed to have had an uneventful life. I am not gloating in my fortune, but I understand that things could have been entirely different had I been born into another family, country, or belief system. Most of my mild misfortunes were self-inflicted--direct consequences of my own actions. Growing up, I sulked in my misery, throwing pity parties for being slighted by friends or verbally bashed by bullies. My mother rarely showed me any kind of sympathy--probably because she knew that I was far better off than some other kids my age. I was even bitter towards her for not being understanding. Now, I see that she was showing me a little bit of tough love. Life's not fair. People are mean. It's not always about me, so I really shouldn't take it personally. I had to learn that. The small troubles I faced as a kid shaped my character today. I now see the incidents in my life leading up to today as a blessing. I know that I'll face some more trials in the future. I might even face some "real" trials. (All trials, no matter how small, are still real trials although some may only consider the big ones "real.") I am equipped when they come with a hope from God. If He can get me through the little stuff, how much more will he take care of me when my life falls to shambles?
Just because life has the capacity to suck, doesn't mean it will. I'm going to keep on living and enjoying today because worrying about whether or not I'm going to ever be able to do what I love will only hinder me from actually doing it. I want to be a world changer. I need to mobilize in order to fulfill my dreams. Fear of failure or rejection is going to paralyze me no longer. I will not sulk in self-pity because my job is less than I had hoped, and I'm barely making ends meet and stuck living at home with my parents. I will not despair because I've been temporarily separated from the love of my life. No. I count it a blessing that my parents are willing to put me up and that I have a job. I will soon be reunited with him with a deeper love than I have ever experienced before. And through it all, God has been there, pursuing my heart and holding me close. I am truly blessed. You are, too. I don't know what you've been through or are going through now, but there is some good in there. You may have to search for it to see it, but it's there. If anything, there is a God who loves you and wants the best for you, whether or not you believe in Him. As Sonny says in the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, "Everything will be all right in the end... if it's not all right then it's not yet the end."
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