My Quest for Direction

   When I was still a child, and every adult asked the same question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I would have a list. It started out with the first woman President of the United States, and went on to less assuming roles, like an A-list Actress or a New York Times Best-Selling Author. I also wanted to be a real estate agent, hairstylist, veterinarian (only for a short while before I realized that I dislike most animals), travel agent, interior designer, artist, architect, and a fashion designer--to name a few. Ideally, I waned to be repeatedly reincarnated, so I could pursue each career in a different life. Unfortunately, I don't think things work that way, and even if they did, I probably wouldn't have any recollection of my past lives, which would pretty much suck. It'd be cool to know that you were once the President of the United States in a former life, unless you were a horrible president. I wanted to be all of these things (part of me still does), but choosing just one career path? That would prove to be a bit more difficult.
   When it came time to decide on a college to go to, I became overwhelmed with this dilemma of choosing a career path. I felt that I needed to choose my major before blindly going into further education. By my junior year, I was so sick of planning for my future that I decided that I just wanted to be a housewife. One of my life goals was to be married by 21 (I am glad that I didn't reach that goal. I was NOT ready to settle down at 21), and I wanted to have kids, so being a perfect housewife looked ideally simple to me. When I'm overwhelmed, I tend to over-simplify my life to make up for the thousands of thoughts racing through my head.
   My mother was unsatisfied with my plan to forgo further education. So, I decided to pursue Creative Writing on a whim. I figured that I love writing, so I'll study to become a better writer. I heard that employers really only look for a Bachelor's (or Master's, or Doctorate) degree, and they don't really care what it's in, so I pursued what I loved, and decided to wait to decide on a career until I absolutely HAD to.
   As I matured and became increasingly aware of the troubles of the human race, my heart broke for the plight of orphaned and unloved children everywhere. I wanted to be a mother to all of them, take them under my wing and love them with all that I had. I had a plan, I would write a highly acclaimed novel, and with the proceeds convert an old Victorian mansion into a home for young girls that included a school and a beautiful garden. It would be a self-sustaining home, and I would raise loving young women of God. That evolved into including young girls who have been left on their own to care for their children, and when I heard about sex trafficking, I just wanted to have a home for rescued victims. I realized that I couldn't do this on my own, and I would need experience before starting one of my own.
   As of now, I'm still kind of sold on this plan. It's a pretty solid plan. There's only one problem: I haven't even started an idea of a novel that I would care enough to write.

An Introduction: Jobless and Directionless

   I was always eager to grow up and "start my life," something I obviously couldn't do while still in school. I managed to graduate from college a semester early, originally intending on travelling before I started my career as a well-known New York Times Bestselling author. I graduated two months ago, and reality hit. I'm broke. I can't travel the world as I first intended, so plan B? Start my career. I started leisurely applying to jobs at the beginning of my last semester. I went to school five hours away from home, where I intended to live, so I wouldn't be able to do any interviews until Thanksgiving break, so I slacked off on applying until November, when I started panicking. 

   December rolled around, then January, and now it's February. I'm still working at Kohl's, which--don't get me wrong, I appreciate having any job in this economy--isn't giving me the hours I need to get the heck out of my parents' house. I still don't have any bites, and I'm getting really discouraged about this whole job-search thing. Plus, where in the world does a Creative Writing major work out in the real world? I found out that when my career goal is "get published," people are wary of hiring me because they think I won't be focused on my job. Needless to say, I'm stuck in limbo, and I've almost entirely given up on applying for now.

   Shortly after I came back home from school, I posted this on facebook:

Ok, here are my short-term goals, now that I don't have school to tie me down: 1. Read, a lot 2. Write more (maybe finish that portfolio for Dr. Amy) 3. Get more involved with Legacy 4. Volunteer with human trafficking victims 5. Keep in constant contact with friends (set up a regular schedule for calling Brianaand Katelyn, start writing Britt) 6. Save up enough money to first travel to Alaska to visit Jonnell, take a long journey through Europe, then visit Ji Eun in Korea 7. Become more fluent in Spanish 8. Teach myself French, Italian, Korean, German, and Hindi 9. Learn to play the Ukulele so I can serenade Lauren 10. Learn more than just the basics of Piano 11. Restart Yoga 12. Get a cat 13. Either get settled at home or move out 14. Maybe get a "real" job

   Yeah, that's a bit much, but I'm trying, and this will be my journey to meet these goals.